A Vision for Marriage and the Home

The college retreat this past weekend was pretty wonderful. It is always one of the highlights of my fall as pastor here at Four Oaks. We focused on purity and relationships in the body of Christ through an exposition of 1 Corinthians 6-7.

In the session titled, "Single for Christ, Married for Christ" we looked at some of the reasons for 'biblical singleness' and sought to understand Paul's warnings and exhortations regarding marriage. Hopefully, these messages will be on the Four Oaks website soon.

I made the point that one of the reasons for biblical singleness is to be 'free from worldly care'. Paul says the following throughout the chapter:
“because of the present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are” v.26
“the time is short” v.29
“this world in its present form is passing away…” v.31
“the unmarried man/woman is concerned about the Lord’s affairs” vv.32-34
“I am saying this…that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” v.35

Due to some 'present crisis' - most likely famine and intense persecution - Paul encourages the new believers in Corinth to be free from the concerns of family. This exhortation should be understood in light of our current context and cultural climate. I don't believe that Paul would set forth this exhortation with the same emphasis to us American's today. He is simply asking the believer's to make wise judgments about their current situation, weighing the great struggles they would face with the demands of marriage, and the superior calling to Christian ministry. We are to do the same.

Notice, though, my point that Paul is encouraging a 'singleness' or 'unmarried' state that is 'free from worldly care'. I challenged these students to take heed to this call in 1 Cor. 7, and note that much of 'singleness' in our culture is an 'unmarried' state for the sake of worldliness. People shun marriage in order to pursue worldly self interests. People shun the demands of marriage in order to subject themselves to the demands of a career. Rarely, is this career a distinct ministry pursued for the sake of God's people and the call of the gospel. Often it is the pursuit of some vocation for self validation, worldly reputation, or riches (I don't mean to make such a distinct dichotomy, much of the time singles find themselves somewhere in between 'ministry' and 'vocation'). Let's face it, 'sex and the city' has seeped into our evangelical sub-culture more than we'd like to admit.

My challenge to the students was to recognize this season of singleness in two ways:

1. As an extraordinary time to serve Christ without the restraints and demands of married and family life. They can, and many of them are, great gifts to the body in their singular devotion to the Lord. This season is a time of focused service to Christ and not for the slavish pursuit or worldliness.

2. Most of them will be married one day, and sooner rather than later, most likely. This being the case, and the desire of their hearts, I challenged them to build a vision for the future that allows for this. This challenge was put mainly to the young women. Many of them are constantly urged by the world, their parents, even their pastors (not this one, mind you) to pursue degrees and vocations that leave no room for the reality of husbands and children. The Bible calls motherhood a 'career' (and the obvious demands of children and a home clearly display this), and this career is to be a priority, not an afterthought. I urged these young women not to set themselves on a 'worldly' trajectory that does not include, in fact, does not prioritize marriage and the family.

This brings up a host of questions, and we discussed much of them at length over the weekend. Just wanted to give ya'll a taste of the feast we had.

STDs and the Gospel

At our student breakaway this weekend I am working on a series of messages from 1 Corinthians 6-7 on relationships. In preparation for our discussion of purity and the body, I went online to do some research regarding the judgment of God upon sexual immorality found in his Word,

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. (Romans 1:26-27)

Flee from sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

First, consider some statistics on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) in our country:

· 19 million new infections occur each year
· An estimated 8.9-9.1 million occur among young people ages 15-24
· The economic toll of STDs in the U.S. is estimated at $13 billion annually
· An estimated 20 million people in the U.S. have Human Papillomavirus (HPV) infections that can be transmitted to others
· There are 30 distinct types of HPV that affect the genital area (HPV accounts for 80 percent of cervical cancers)
· The Center for Disease Control boldly states that STDs taken their largest toll on women (one study concludes that fully 14% of female college students became infected with HPV each year)
· 30-40% of pre-term births (pre-term birth is the leading cause of infant death in the U.S. apart from abortion, which is the leading cause of death overall in America) are due to STDs
· 45 million – more than 1 in 5 – Americans are infected with genital herpes

Second, consider these statements from the CDC on homosexuality and STDs in America:

Researchers estimate that men who have sex with men (MSM) still account for 42 percent of new HIV infections annually in the United States and for 60 percent of all new HIV infections among men. Several recent studies have pointed to high and increasing levels of other STDs among MSM.

One 26-city study, the Gonococcal Isolate Surveillance Project, reported that from 1994 to 1999, the proportion of gonorrhea cases among MSM more than doubled from six to 13 percent. An STD clinic in Washington, D.C., serving a large number of gay and bisexual men reported that gonorrhea cases increased 93 percent from 1993 to 1996, with 82 percent of these cases among MSM.

In King County, Washington – which includes the city of Seattle – researchers reported marked increases in both gonorrhea and syphilis cases among MSM. Most notably, while the county had no cases of early syphilis in 1996, 88 cases were reported between 1998 and the first half of 1999, 85 percent of which were in gay and bisexual men. These men reported having multiple partners and frequently engaging in unprotected anal intercourse.

A few observations:

1. The media and Hollywood are directly culpable for this epidemic that is chiefly destroying the bodies, sexual purity, minds, and hearts of our children. Sex is constantly paraded before and marketed to teens at every turn. Our little ones are sexualized and robbed or their innocence at the earliest of ages. We are a media saturated culture, and our media is an unashamedly sex saturated enterprise.
2. Parents are directly culpable for this epidemic in our own negligence and woeful absence from our children’s lives. Parents are directly culpable for this epidemic in our children in our abandonment of marriage and the bond of commitment that gives children an arena for healthy growth, discovery of human sexuality, and the testing of the boundaries of sexual expression.
3. Our churches are culpable in this epidemic due to their anemic approach to dealing with these issues of sexual purity and almost entirely unprophetic voice of the pulpit in a dying culture. The increasing invasion of secularism and its presuppositions and commitments into our individual lives, our church life, and our morality as a community is doing irreparable harm, and is evidenced in the statistics.
4. As a culture, in our abandonment of all moral absolutes and our unrestrained pursuit of total human autonomy, especially in this area of sexuality and relationships, we are eroding marriages, healthy sexuality, family health, and human interaction.
5. In the curse of the Fall, women are warned of multiplied pain in childbirth (Gen.3:16). Sex is for procreation and marital intimacy. We find that in our sinful pursuit of sex as an expression of power, independence, and for pleasure alone- women, as those who bear children, bear the great toll of these transgressions. In our culture where men are so culpable in pursuing their lust and their own selfish designs, women suffer. Women suffer the most in marriage filled with sexual perversion. Women suffer the most in divorce. Women suffer in a culture of pornography, which is, among other things, an industry that capitalizes on the degridation of women. Where are the feminists on this issue? They are silent, because it is their reckless cry for autonomy that is partially, perhaps greatly, part of this current suffering.
6. Our affirmation of homosexuality as a legitimate and healthy form of sexual expression, even as a lifestyle, is destructive, unbiblical, and unnatural. The abandonment of the lessons of ‘nature’ and the revealed will of God on these issues bring destruction upon our own bodies, our marriages, our families, our communities, and our nation. And justly so.

What is the solution? Well, quite simply, it is the gospel. What is the solution offered by Paul in Romans 3-4 after the display of God’s glory and justice and the reality of man’s sin and depravity? It is the good news that we are ‘justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 3:24). It it the good news presented in Romans 5:1, ‘since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.’ The good news of Romans 6:1, ‘how can we who died to sin still live in it’ and that through the work of Christ and the power of God, ‘we too might walk in newness of life’. The good news of 1 Corinthians 6:11, ‘such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.’ The good news that, ‘the body is for the Lord and the Lord for the body,’ and, ‘he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him’, and, ‘your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God.’ We uphold the consequence of sin, the destruction of our depravity, displayed in every corner of our culture, and offer the mercy of God in Christ as a deliverance from sin, and the power of God by His Spirit to be freed from sin’s captivity.

Are you living this good news? Are you proclaiming this good news? Are you filled with hope and joy in the good news even in the face of the darkest sins and their ensuing consequences and judgments?

“Repent and believe the good news!” - Jesus

Modesty, anyone? Please?

Well, I am not on campus all that often, but I have a board meeting that takes me down there at least monthly. I can also be found eating b'fast with some droopy eyed college student at Jim and Milts- or grabbing some study time at s'bux on Tennessee. Well, here's the deal - my meeting was down there on Pensacola, a one way street, so I inevitably get lost and disoriented and wind up driving around endlessly in circles with a dazed look on my face.

Adding to my disorientation is the reality that most of the young ladies on campus are wearing hardly any clothes.

Ok, now, I know you are falling over in your chair, reeling from the shock that this man of the cloth (he he, get it?) is aware of the profound lack of attire that seems to be epidemic on campus (and all over our community these days). And you are further shocked that I would admit such an awareness in a public forum. Look, I am not a lecherous perv, flustered at the mere sight of ankle flesh. Nor am I some prudish puritan who wants our young ladies going from class to class in a moo moo or a tater sack. But people, this was ridiculous. One young woman was walking along self consciously pulling her skirt (or half a dish towel, whatever you want to call it) down to keep from mooning all those waiting for the light to turn.

But, you're right, these are modern days and modern women. "And, Erik," you reply, "what do you expect? These aren't Christian women." I respond: is this the product of our three decades of feminist indoctrination? Thousands of young woman reduced to walk the campus with their bodies on display for frat boy joe- and some unsuspecting minister? Or, perhaps this is a bizarre Camille Pagliaesque feminine empowerment fantasy come true- the enslavement of the fleshly, lustful hoardes by scantily clad goddesses? Hmmm. Doubtful. But, whatever helps us sleep at night.

Now, most of you folks reading this are believers in Christ Jesus. And the deal is, as in so many things, the church is really not all that different than the culture. In a church family with a ton of college kids, I must admit that I have regularly been pretty embarassed by the almost non-existent skirts, skin tight cleavage bearing tops, etc. and so forth. And the same goes for our daughters in high school. Sometimes I truly have to wonder where Dad is when little Sally walks out the door practically in stripper garb.

Here's the deal- we are created in God's image, for His glory. Our bodies are to be treated with modesty, with special care, as we would with any gift of such worth. It is the work of the world, the flesh, and the devil to crassly objectify these bodies intended for good and glory, turning them into pieces of flesh for our own selfish desires, lustful designs, or perverse drive for adulation and attention. You are bought at a price, so glorify God with your body. You were bought at a price, do not become the slaves of men. (1 Cor. 6:20; 7:23) The apostle also says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." This means that the gift of sexual intimacy and the marital enjoyment of each other's body is threatened and weakened by "the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boastful pride of life" (1 John 2:16).

Sisters in Christ, when you parade your bodies for the sake of your own pride or the cravings of sinful men, you dishonor God who made you for Himself, not the vanity of the mirror, or the lustful gaze of men. You also cheapen the precious gift of your body to your husband alone for sexual joy in marriage.

Brothers, you bear a great burden in the destructive immodesty of the age with your lust for pornography and crass public objectification of women. So many of us are living without restraint and accountability in our relationships, and are badgering and objectifying our sisters in these relationships with unrealistic expectations of beauty and 'sexual' allure.

So, men turn your eyes away from that which is not yours. Turn your eyes toward your God, and his gift of marriage for the satisfaction of your sexual needs.

Women, adorn yourselves with "proper clothing, modestly and discreetly. . . by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness."

Can I get an 'Amen'?!